When I look back over the past 4 years, I am filled with so much guilt over the way I treated you two.
When I found out we were moving to Perth, I was so mad. I thought my 16 year old life was over. I thought, how dare you try to break up me and my boyfriend, can’t you see it’s love?
Do you not care that I have all my friends here?
I was too self obsessed to even realise that there were 3 people moving, not just me. I didn’t even take into consideration how hard it would of been for you two, to have to move again, to a foreign place and make new friends when your english wasn’t as fluent as mine. I didn’t even grasp the fact that you, mum, were giving up your career, something you studied so hard for, knowing there may not be that kind of work in Perth (there isn’t).
Here I was thinking you were ruining my schooling when in reality, I barely went & I didn’t learn a thing since 2004 so it’s not like it mattered.
Instead, I didn’t come home for nights on end, caused you alot of stress and even threatened your 20 year marriage.
And when we finally moved to Perth, I packed my bags one day and got on a flight back to New Zealand and made YOU pay for my flight home once I learnt my lesson about in-dependency.
Yet you still forgave me after those 2 years of hell. And you both picked up the pieces once I was ready to recover. You forced me on that flight to detox and it turned out to be the best thing for me.
This move was the best thing for me and I’m sorry I’ve only realised that 3 years too late. When I look around, I realise just how lucky I am to have another chance. I know you still don’t trust me after years of me lying to you and betraying you and I also have a feeling you think I’m using again because my lifestyle hasn’t changed that much but if there’s one thing I can say, it’s that I’m not lying & I’m not using. I know you’re just waiting for me to fall again, but I won’t.